You ask in Somali. Your child answers in English, again. It feels like a small rejection of you and of the language, but it is neither: it is the most predictable thing a bilingual child can do, and once you understand why, it becomes much easier to respond well.
Understanding and speaking are two different skills
Language lives in two places. There is the language a child understands, which is called receptive language, and the language a child produces, called productive language. Every child, in every language, understands far more than they can say. A two-year-old follows complicated instructions long before they can form a sentence.
For a diaspora child, Somali is often almost entirely receptive. They understand hooyo (mother) when she calls. They know what cun (eat) means at the table and what seexo (sleep) means at bedtime. But the words sit on the understanding side, and moving a word across to the speaking side takes many more repetitions and a little courage.
So a child who answers in English is not refusing Somali. They are showing you that the Somali is in there. That is real progress, and it is worth saying out loud. The job now is to help the words come out.
Why English wins by default
Children choose the language that costs the least effort in the moment, for the person in front of them. English usually wins for three reasons.
First, volume. A school-age child in London or Minneapolis hears English for most of their waking hours: at school, from friends, from screens. Somali is heard for a fraction of that. The bigger the pile of words, the faster they come to mind.
Second, the audience. Your child knows you understand English. If a sentence in English gets the same result as a sentence in Somali, and comes out faster, why struggle? This is not laziness. It is efficient, and children are very efficient.
Third, confidence. Speaking your weaker language means making mistakes out loud, and older children hate that. If Somali has ever been the language of correction or teasing in your house, they will avoid it.
Notice that none of these reasons is about attitude. That matters, because it means pleading and punishing will not work. Changing the three conditions will.
Response one: recast in Somali
A recast is the simplest tool you have. The child says something in English. You say the same thing back in Somali, naturally, as if you were agreeing, and then you carry on with whatever you were doing.
| Your child says | You reply |
|---|---|
| I’m tired. | Ma daalantahay? (Are you tired?) |
| I like rice. | Aniguna waxaan jeclahay bariis. (I like rice too.) |
| Where’s my book? | Kani waa buuggaaga. (This is your book.) |
| Can I have milk? | Caano ma rabtaa? (Do you want milk?) |
You are not asking them to repeat it. You are not pausing to check they heard. You are simply making sure that the Somali version of what they just said exists in the room, right after they said it. Children absorb recasts without noticing, which is exactly why they work.
Response two: offer the word
Sometimes the child starts in Somali and stalls because one word is missing. Then they finish in English, or give up. This is the moment to hand them the word, quietly, without stopping the conversation.
Child: Hooyo, I want the… red one.
You: Guduud (red).
Child: Guduud.
Three rules. Give the word only, not a lesson about the word. Say it once, clearly. If they repeat it, good; if they do not, let it go, because it will be there next time. Over weeks these small hand-overs fill the gaps, and the gaps are usually the same few words: colors, numbers, food, and the courtesy phrases such as mahadsanid (thank you) and fadlan (please). The Small Talk topic covers the seventeen phrases children stall on most, with a recording of each so you can check your own pronunciation before you offer it.
Response three: build low-stakes routines
Remember the reasons children avoid Somali: it costs effort and it risks mistakes. Routines lower both. A routine is a moment where the same words come up in the same order every day, so the child can predict them, and prediction is what makes speaking feel safe.
Bedtime is the classic one. Habeen wanaagsan (good night) at the door, every night, and wait for it back. Meals are another: cun, cab (drink), mahadsanid, in that order, most days. Leaving for school: nabadgelyo (goodbye) at the door, is arag danbe (see you later) from the car. Nobody is testing. The words are just part of the ritual, and after a few weeks the child says them without effort. That is productive Somali, and it started with three words.
Luuqad puts these phrases in the last step of its guided Learning Path, after the vocabulary, because that is the order children find easiest: first the things, then the sentences that go between people. If you use the app, the Small Talk lesson pairs naturally with this routine.
What not to do
Some things feel like they should work and reliably make things worse.
- Do not punish or withhold. If Somali becomes the language of trouble, the child will learn to avoid it, not to speak it.
- Do not mock the accent. A diaspora child’s Somali will sound different from yours, and nothing silences a child faster than an uncle repeating their pronunciation back for a laugh. Ask relatives, kindly, not to.
- Do not turn every exchange into a test. “Say it in Somali” ten times a day teaches the child that talking to you is work.
- Do not compare with cousins or siblings. Every child’s mix of languages is different, and comparison only adds shame to the confidence problem you are trying to solve.
- Do not give up after a bad week. Progress in a heritage language comes in steps, with long flat stretches in between.
The long view
For most children growing up in the West, English will stay the stronger language, and that is fine. The realistic goal is not balance. It is a child who can talk to ayeeyo (grandmother) without fear, who understands the family when it matters, and who has enough Somali stored away to build on later.
Many adults who rebuild their Somali later in life start from exactly this base: a childhood of understanding, with speaking that came slowly. The understanding you are building now is what they build on. The parents page gathers everything on this site written for families, and the heritage speakers page is for the older version of the child you are raising.
Frequently asked questions
Why does my child understand Somali but refuse to speak it?
Understanding and speaking are two separate skills, and understanding always comes first. Your child has the words stored; speaking them needs more repetition, more confidence and a reason to choose Somali over English.
Should I pretend not to understand English so my child speaks Somali?
It can work with toddlers but often backfires with older children, who see through it and feel tricked. Replying in Somali and offering the missing word helps the child instead of blocking them.
Will my child's Somali ever catch up with their English?
For most diaspora children English stays the stronger language, and that is normal. The realistic goal is a child who speaks comfortably with family and keeps learning as an adult, not a perfectly balanced bilingual.
Try Luuqad with your child tonight
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Written by Hodan Warsame. Writes about raising bilingual children in the diaspora. Illustrations from the Luuqad app.